Nature, Thou Art a Beauty to Behold...

25/12/2012

Its a beautiful sunset I am witnessing for the third day in a row. The fiery ball of orange slowly transforming to a fluroscent pink before merging with the vague outline of a hill. The color is so pale that it is now difficult to distinguish the pink from the grey. Such beauty, before it vanishes completely from sight, leaving behind a grey mist hovering over a fading bell curve of a mountain hill. Oh Nature, thou art a beauty to behold indeed!

26/12/2012

Today, he had a companion. As he came down from the heavens, his identical friend seemed to approach him from the depths of the earth, with a small difference though. It seemed as though the friendly reflection moved at twice the speed to merge with his reality while he faded from sight. Oh, what a beautiful sight it is to see two suns setting - One from the top and one from the bottom. The faint pink coloured crescent is slowly disappearing behind the mountains while the shining white lunar counterpart fades into view on the opposite end of the sky. One moment of lapse and he is gone from sight for today. Oh Nature thou art a beauty to behold...


27/12/2012

Nature never gets tired. The yellow orange ball of fire is back again, The same fierceness, the same beauty, the same cycle over and over again. How many ever times I witness this beauty, I never get tired or bored. Thats the beauty of it. I am always pleasantly surprised by the tenacity of nature. How consistently it never fails to amaze you. The orange is now half consumed by the mountains. It turned into a peach fast disappearing into the depths of the mountainous beast. Its gone, leaving behind a pale pink halo over the beast's head.

28/12/2012

Today is the last day of watching him go down from this place. Tomorrow will be a different place and a different story. I am not sure if I will get to see him or not. Regardless of  this, I know that he would be as graceful and majestic as he is today and would look just as beautiful as today when he is going down tomorrow or any other day to come. Today, he was partially eclipsed by tiny clouds. I was afraid I might not get to see him make his graceful descent. But thankfully they were just passing clouds and his glory was once more mine to behold. Ah, the fluorescent pink half crescent, I can never tire of seeing you go down each and every day till the end of my life...

To run or not to run...

About six months ago, my life was chaotic (nothing describes it better). I was clueless about what I wanted to do, what I had been doing and what I was going to do. Nothing seemed to make sense. Everything had taken a monotonous turn - the same activities, the same job, the same routine. All I wanted was some clarity in my thoughts, some re-organization of priorities, someone to guide me. I was as purpose-less as a ship without a rudder and as lost as Jack Sparrow without his compass.

It was then that I heard about my friend's feat of having run a 50-miler. At first, I thought it was a joke. Simply crazy. Madness. Humanly impossible. But then, I trusted the source of my information so much that I knew it had to be true. How could one run that distance ? Why would they run ? I could not run 10 meters without gasping for breath. Imagine running 50 miles (it took some time for the calculator-oriented brain to convert that to 80 KM) !

I was in awe. So totally impressed and inspired that I wanted to achieve something as significant as that during my lifetime, just to prove it to myself. For once in my life, I wanted to take up something, do it all by myself and complete it. The soul purpose of doing it would be to make me happy. Nothing else and nothing else mattered.

I knew what had to be done. I had to join a training group, train and run. I knew which training group to join (thanks to M and R). I knew that the program was for three and half months. All I had to do was join the group... and stick to the training. Set a goal. Achieve it. As simple as that.

However, having "taken up" and "given up" kickboxing and fitness classes more number of times than I can recall, I was quite apprehensive of taking up running as the next activity to just give it up. I needed something that would bind me to the running "contract" so firmly that I did not have a choice. I did not want to give myself a choice.

And so when M suggested that I "run for a cause", I jumped at the opportunity. Having heard her experiences of raising funds for non-profit organizations through running, it was the perfect ruse. I approach people, tell them I am running for Shristi, promise to run (cross my heart and swear to die and all), that they could sponsor my run and in turn help out Shristi monetarily. Perfect. This way I was answerable not just to myself, but to the donors as well.

The master plan was all laid out and it was time. Time to make a decision. A decision to commit. A decision to stick-by-it-no-matter-what. A very intimidating decision. A now or never moment. All or nothing.

It was quite difficult not to believe and give into the careless whispers from my left cerebrum, colorfully pointing out that I was a fool to even consider something like this since it was beyond my capabilities. I pretended not to hear the beautifully composed "sahasranamam", for over a month. I was simply running scared.. to commit..

However, there was a tiny voice from within that kept contradicting every whisper. It made me realize that I was biased against running since I was painting  it with the same brush as all my previous activities. If I have never done it before, how could I know what it feels like to do it ? And if I don't know what it feels like, how can I be sure I won't like it ? How can I be sure I will give it up ? What if I don't give up and what if this is THE thing and I missed it because of my presumptions and prejudice ?

I recollected reading a few lines from a book almost a decade ago - "You can't outwit fate by trying to stand on the sidelines and  place little side bets about the outcome of life. Either you wade in and risk everything to play the game, or you don't play at all. And if you don't play, you can't win."

That's when I decided... To Run..

And now words fail me when I think about what I have just accomplished. My mind is filled with cotton-wool and is refusing to accept the enormity of the act - The simple act of having set a goal and achieved it. For someone who has never seen anything through to its end (for quite sometime now), it is simply impossible to believe that its been done. Period. 

PS: Thanks to M (who wouldn't give up on me no matter how many tantrums I threw)

Rain Man

(Written sometime during June 2007)

Its close to 1.48 am in the morning as I am putting this into words. I just finished watching the movie "Rain Man" directed by Barry Levinson, starring Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman. Man, does Cruise look HOT !!! Well he is not the reason that I am writing this. Its his role in the movie as an "exotic car dealer" who discovers (and kidnaps) his institutionalized autistic brother (Raymond) after the death of their father, their journey across the country and the connection they made during that trip.

It is a "MUST WATCH" :D. Well, Everything about the movie is simply superb - the direction, the acting, the script - EVERYTHING. Tom Cruise has played his part well. But to say Dustin Hoffman is awesome is an understatement. He is rocking!! (O.K. Too many adjectives !! Its understandable given that I sleepily stumbled upon a profound self-realization !!) It's such an amazing and authentic performance that during the course of the movie at one point, I was irritated enough to consider chucking the movie and forget about watching the rest of it - "To hell with the rest of it".

The best part of the movie, according to me, is when Charlie realizes why Raymond was sent away to the institution.

I don't know why that movie affected me so much but it did. I wonder why its seems to have struck some sensitive nerve in me. Something that tells me that I seem to have got my priorities wrong. Something - call it probably the warning of a guardian angel or my intiutions.

I am still trying to answer the question that my friend asked me 2 days ago. "Whats the most important thing in your life??" I am still finding the answer to it. Nothing that I list down seems all that important once its been listed. Whats that "important thing" that is really important to me??? Hope I find the answer really soon...

At·trac·tion /əˈtrakSHən/

at·trac·tion/əˈtrakSHən/  

Noun:

The action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something: "the timeless attraction of a good tune". A quality or feature of something or someone that evokes interest, liking, or desire.

The above definition fails to capture the intensity factor. It fails to point out that Attraction can drive you mad at times, especially when it is reeks of irrationality. You might feel you understand pi better than your feelings. 

Why am I writing this now ? After all these years, the first post I pen down is to be Attraction ? You might think I am crazily in love with someone to pick this for a topic, which as far from the truth as it gets. I have had my fair share of experiments with love and I am good with not experimenting any more. 

Well, to cut a very long story short, my friend MM seems to think that I am good at writing (Thank you, MM, thank you.. hope you feel that way at the end of this post) and feels that I should restart my electronic-outbursts (like I call them) :D. . So I thought I should "write" while the iron is still hot. 

That explains why I want to write but not why I want write about what I am writing. Such convoluted naan-sense is possible only when your finely honed cognitive skills have been dimmed by the after-effects of alcohol. And you guessed it right. A cup of wine did the trick (actually drinking it rapidly instead of savoring it did the actual trick).

Well, the first topic that came to my cotton-wool-filled mind was something that I have been trying to resolve for quite sometime now. Attraction.

To be precise, attraction to someone I am not supposed to be attracted to (as per society's rules). Try as I might, I am not able to come to terms with this and that's what been a thorn in my side for the past 5 years (now that I think about it).

At first, I thought it was yet-another-crush of mine, the one where I am all ga-ga (not Lady gaga ga-ga but sufficiently ga-ga !) about the person in question for a full week before the steam goes out and I find him as ordinary as yet-another-human-being-on-this-planet.

However, the long-term attraction I have been experiencing has only intensified over this period of time and my attempts at analyzing my feelings seem futile as they do not seem to make it any easier to understand the rational behind this. 

The only thing that I can state is that it seems to be a combination of awe, respect and something else that I am not able to find a word for. Love ? No, that does not seem to be it. Affection ? Probably yes. 

Every time I see him or think of him, the feelings stir. I try to recall all the well-reasoned excuses in order to justify my feelings however everything falls flat when I just admit that 

I am plainly attracted to him and I wish to God, we could be together. However, everything happens for a reason. Admitting that I am attracted to him saves me the trouble of having to deny it. Admit it. Accept it. That is the only way to get over it. 

The more I try to resist, the stronger the feelings get. Its all very simple. Your brain is wired to give into temptations. The more you resist temptations, the more your brain tries to hold on to the temptations and nag you into giving into them. The antidote for this medicine is simply give yourself the choice to give into temptation. Just do it and think about dealing with the consequences later.

The Universe has weird ways of handing things to you; things that make you feel like you are inept, moronic and completely incapable of handling the situation. However, the one thing that helps me get through this state is a statement that M made few months ago. She said, "Jyo, the Universe has brought you into this world and the Universe knows how to take care of you. Trust that. Believe that. Have Faith in that".

Sometimes you just have to let things be. The more you think about things, the more muddled they seem. Thus, when I think too hard, my brain heats up. (Did you know that thinking is an exothermic reaction ? Well, thanks to M, I learnt that interesting fact last month.) Anyways, having heated by brain enough to cook an omelette over my head, the following is my observation. Attraction can be at multiple levels - Intellectual, Physical, Emotional or Psychological. However, I take the liberty to add yet another kind of attraction to this list - "Unconditional". When attraction has "Unconditional-ism" for a basis, that is the beginning of Love.

Type-Os

Spellings and Wordings are very important. Its importance strikes us only when a typo / wrong-word-in-the-wrong-place changes the meaning of the entire sentence. It is even more embarrassing when such statements are addressed to the wrong addressee! Here are some real life examples to prove this point :

1. Instead of saying "That is insulting", she said "That is insluting" !!

2. In an official mail to the clients regarding hotel accomadations, "Shilton Royale" was one of them. I dont think the clients ever preferred the place as the sender missed out on the "l" in "Shilton"!!

3. She wanted to say "Arey! Ek Dum ..." instead she said "Arey! Ek Bum.. " !!

4. Never type in a hurry! Thats when you type extra letters in the wrong places - like an extra "t" in "busy" after the "s" while saying "I am busy" !!

5. In her confusion regarding the place she had to shift to, she said "I dont know whether to shit here or there" !!

6. Intended to say "'cute' has transcended its horizons when you use it" instead said "'cute' has transcended its horizons when you use me" !!

7. A lady chatting with her male friend wanted to ask him if he was a good cook. She landed herself in an embarrassing situation by typing a "c" instead of the second "o"!!

8. Entry in a diet diary - "500 gms snacks, 200 ml cock" !! :))

QED :)

Pannamaa Paasamaa ? (Money or Love)

That was the topic of the debate at Salaman Paapaya's Pattimandram on this lazy Sunday morning. I happened to "bump" into this program while idly browsing channels on the idiot box.

Its a very interesting debate topic indeed. Though I have never got into a heated discussion with any of my friends on this one, I have discussed something on similar lines with a friend of mine.

Elaborating on the topic in his thooya (pure) madurai tamizh, Paapaya said, "There are times in life when we face crushing defeats, when we feel extreme sadness or depressing moments filled with a sense of acute loss. What is it that gets you back on your feet and urges you to go on with life - Panamaa (money) ? illai Paasama (Love and affection) ?"


There were 3 people to speak for "Paname thaan (Money is ALL)" and 3 for "Paasam illada Panam proyojanam illai (Money without love or affection is no money)". The arguments spoken on either sides seemed true from their respective perspectives (as it is with any debate).

The "Money is ALL" groups argued that in this modern world money is THE thing that moves people. Everything comes with a price tag including paasam. The treatment and care at every hospital is directly proportional to your bank balance. Every girl dreams is to hook a MNC maapilai earning 3 - 12 lakhs P. A. (I beg to differ here). Any daughter-in-law is proud of her rich and high class mother-in-law and diligently serves her father-in-law if and only if he gets his pension on time. More money credited into you bank account, more paasam credited to your account too. The banks safeguard your "panam" however there are no banks for "paasam".


The opponents argued otherwise, firmly stating that its "paasam" that heals a broken man's wounds, brings him back to his feet and urges him to go on with life. Money can buy materialistic possessions. It cannot buy love or affection. As an example, lets assume you are stranded in the middle of no where with loads of money and an old lady of your mother's age. Your hunger cannot be satisfied with currency notes, neither can you eat them nor can you buy the food from the old lady. But what satisfies your hunger is the food that the old lady shares with you, like she would share with her son/daughter. An old sick man is not motivated to get up from his bed if you show him is bank balance statement but what cures him is the loving touch of his grandchild.

Money is always debited from one account and credited into another. However as wise men have said love is never debited; its always credited to both accounts. The best part of the debate was when Bharati (opponent) turned plates on Raja's (who enacted Rajni's father-in-law in Shivaji) argument by quoting his own words that "Madurai kaaranga paasakaaranga" (All Madurai people are full of love). She said "Is it justified that what holds outside the pattimandram changes to currency on this stage?".

To conclude, Paapaya gave the "final verdict" with a simple example. He said - Consider a man who is left broken in spirit, having lost all his money. As he feels the burden of defeat weighing down upon him, he fears that he has no courage to go on. In this situation, its not money that would make him pick up the pieces of life and move on. But what really encourages him are the words of his better half, lovingly consoling him that he was more important to her than the money he lost and that she would choose to have him over the money any day. Her words of wisdom and motivation are what he needs makes a fresh start in his life. Like money, love also has a bank - each one of us own a bank of love in our hearts. But, unlike money banks, there are no debits !! Only Credits :) !!

Sunset

A jewel in the sky,
That catches your eye,
A red ball of fire,
Seeing it, you never tire...

You get thinking
As you see it sinking,
You could say,
Its the end of today..

A pleasant relaxing sight,
With the vanishing light,
Having worked from dawn to dusk,
Smell the air full of musk...

Yet another day is gone,
And you are alone,
Realization being stark,
That you remain in dark...

Marriage

I just returned from my close friend's wedding and I am writing this before I lose "it" :). Today was the reception, tomorrow being the actual wedding. It was a typical south-indian style reception with the bride and groom being star "performers" on the stage, a long queue to the side of the stage waiting to greet and gift the couple and those who have finished greeting and eating (hogging ? :) ) sitting in the audience.

As we were waiting for our turn, it was fun to study so many homo sapiens sapiens species under one roof. After an intense observation for about 10 mins, I came up with a profound theory: People attend weddings for 2 reasons, apart from blessing the newly weds (that being the 3rd) : "Food" and "Gossip" :). I could probably have another post justifying my conclusion. However this one is dedicated to the fact that marriage is an occasion where every one seems to be busy (pretend to be that even if they actually are not).

It is real fun to watch kids under the age of 2 brawling their heads off to get someone to pay attention to them. A naughty 5 yr old boy snatching the duppatta of a quite 3rd old girl (who starts to whine), throwing it on a grandpa sitting 10 yards away and running away before his act can be reprimanded. A 6 year old wandering on the stage, to show off a new balloon that his uncle just bought him, getting in the way of all the wedding snaps, only to be shooed away by the camera man. A 8 year old girl, busily running around in her shining new designer dress, trying to feel important in making sure her aunt's instructions are carried out in order.

A 10 year old girl sulking in a corner because she was not allowed to wear her mom's gold ear rings. A 11 yr old boy furious at having been scolded in front of all for playfully spilling some water on his grand pa's dress. A shy 12 yr old trying hard to hide her crush on the bridegroom. A 13 yr old feeling shy/self-conscious with so many people around and clumsily pretending to be an adult. A bored 15 yr old chewing bubble gum, with a look that says "Mom, I think this is the biggest mistake of my life. There cant be anything more boring. If only there were some good looking guys around ! sigh ! oh no !! not that stupid cousin of mine again. I will kill him if he tries to pull some stunt with me". A gang of just-attained-adulthood guys and gals conversing in "code" language that elders around cant understand.

A bunch of giggling 21 year olds, checking out guys and deciding who they would like to marry and how they could propose without making it obvious. Stray 25 yr olds enviously eyeing their happily married 22 year old cousins, feeling like old maidens. The newly married 26 year olds discussing their mother-in-laws tactics in extracting work. The 30 yr olds discussing kids, the 40 yrs old discussing savings, the 50 yr olds discussing retirement, the 60 yr olds discussing post-retirement-syndromes, 70 yr olds giving advice to any one who would listen, the 80 yr olds looking after their grand children, the 90 yr olds in bed.. Phew !! Well I am not sure what a 100 yr old would do. :)

Well, thats that. Marriage does keep every one on their toes :).

PS: Maiden aunts (whatever the age) have one and only one occupation - match fixing :). Rest in my next...

Day 0 - Day 4

Day 0 - 29th June 2007
Last day at Fiberlink as an intern. Successfully completed the "Grand finale" demo of my third project and won 2 games of TTT as an encore :D. I'll miss office for sure, over the next month :( .

Day 1 - 30th June
Official start of my vacation. Time to move on - from hostel to home I mean. Started packing yesterday night at 10.30, finished 60% of it by 4 in the morning, completed (22 luggages) at lunch time (with 4 hrs catnap in between) and I was back to my pavilion at 4 in the evening. Feels weird. Somehow I don't feel "at home" at home.

Day 2 - 1st July
Almost broke a second guitar (stopped with a single string) and managed to tune it to "perfection" :) after umpteen attempts.

Day 3 - 2nd July
Convocation saree hunt.

Day 4 - 3rd July
Designated as the team leader for a group of 5 at the Art of Living course.
As told by my teacher(My comments in blue) -
Quote: We pledge to follow some "voluntary" (read self-made) rules that would help you during the course. (alright). First - keep mobiles switched off in class (alright). Second - No smoking in or out of class (alright). Third - No alcohol in or out of class (hmm.. alright). Fourth - No Non-veg (hmm... wokay). Fifth - No TV, no movies, no SOAPs but news allowed (sigh.. alright). Finally, No coffee (what?!!!) and No tea (what the .... ?!! I dont think I can do it). We can break rules made by others. But these are rules that you have made yourself. So you have no reason to break it.. (oh really!!.. rules are meant to be broken irrespective their origin.. sigh.. If only I had known earlier!! too late now.. ) :Unquote

Give me a break !!

Too much of any thing is too much. So, after 6 years of "solid study", as I would call it, its now time for a change. Not that my designation is going to change from "MTech student" to "Member of Technical Staff", but that I need to re-energize and recuperate in order to take on the next part of my life. Time for a break! Have a kitkat ?!! :)

Words are all I have..

There are times in life when you feel you shouldnt have said what you just said. This is not one of them :). Anyways, jokes apart.. when we learn lessons the hard way we never forget them and this is precisely one of them.

Just a small story (which many of us would have read in Do-it-YOURSELF-SELF-development books) before I make my point, which was told to me in my personality development course. Here it is.

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the! young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there."

Ref: http://www.stephen-knapp.com/jokes_and_anecdotes.htm

A Thirukural (couplet 129) by Thiruvalluvar summarises the above story:

TheeyilNaal sutta Puun Ulaarum Aarathaey Navinaal sutta Vadu.
which means that "The wound caused by fire will heal within, but not the scar left by the tongue".

The story or the saying did'nt hold much significance to me until the day I really messed up things for myself with the wrong use of words. Just a slip of the tongue, a moment when you see red and speak your mind or a wrong word at the wrong place at the wrong time to the wrong person is sufficient to make the rest of your life miserable.

Anger makes you a handicap. When you angry, you are blind, deaf, stupid and an unfeeling monster but you are unfortunately not dumb or mute. The overwhelming urge to lash out at your opponent (thats how you see anybody standing in front of you) is often uncontrollable and if you don't hold yourself back in time, the consequences can be really drastic. It could be anything from finding yourself a new member of the on-the-street-with-no-food-or-no-money-or-no-nothing club to finding yourself without a relation (friend , brother, sister, husband, wife or any relationship for that matter).

Well, the worst part is yet to come. Nothing is as difficult as convincing your "opponent" that you didnt mean what you just said. Its very easy to say sorry. Its after all another word. But you just cant take back what you said. Its out there and it remains there and you are forever thinking "If only I hadnt said that.. things would have been different". And, in the silence after the storm, you are left alone thinking if that one moment of glee or satisfaction that you got by using hurtful words is worth a lifetime of regret.

As an after thought, things would have definitely been different and better if you had just kept quite. Things would have been resolved in a different way, relationships could have been saved and life would feel much much better. But it all depends on our actions at that one moment.

Ultimately, the result of any situation is our hands. It depends on how we perceive things and how we reciprocate. After all, we always have a choice. Its just that we got to choose right !! :)

Some Quotes

The more you do, the more you can do.. The less you do, the lesser is usually done..

Its no good proving that you are good at something you are already good at... However its not bad idea to to prove that you are good at something you are supposedly bad at..

If the past could be changed, then there would be no future..

Some ppl set good examples of "how to be".. While there are some who set really good examples of "how not to be"..

I wonder who I would be now, if I had once been what I am now..

Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost... (Anon)

Don't let someone become a priority in your life when you are just an option in their life!!!! - Vikas C

(to be continued..)

A Profound Thought..

The Adv OS class is a fun class, particularly, coz of the professor. Partly coz the prof looks like my elderly uncle and partly coz he talks like one too.. :)..

Anyways, when we reached the "von neumann architecture" part of the lesson today, the prof said, "Most of the current architectures are based on this basic architecture presented by von neumann. Although extensive research is being done, nobody has been able to come up with a better alterative than this one". He further went on to explain about artificial intelligence and said that one of the most amazing architectures till date has been that of a "human mind"...

"Does the human brain work sequentially?? Is it like all of you think or do one thing at any given time??" he asked. "No sir, its all concurrent", some of us mumbled. What he went on to say was so profound that I felt I had to "document" it for future reference (in SE jargon). So here it goes:

(note that this is my understanding of what he said and probably not his exact words)

The human brain or mind is a complex entity. No one as yet has figured out how it exactly works. No one has yet succeeded in building a system that works like "THE MIND".

Though we cannot calculate as fast as a computer, we cannot think as logically and methodically as an ALU either. If all of us were ALUs then there would be no difference of opinions or disagreements as we all would get the same input and would produce the same output (as ALUs). However as a counter arguement, each of us perceive our inputs in a different way. If thats the case, then we cannot be ALUs as the ALU has no in-built intelligence for differential analysis of the inputs. Thus we are not ALUs.. In fact we dont know what we exactly are.. :D.. To put it simply, We are different..

Think about how our vision works. We have a pair of lenses that produce an inverted image at the back of our eyes on the retina. The pair help us to percieve the depth in what we see ("one for mono, two for stereo" to quote prof). The sensory nerves carry this information to the brain where a consistent 3D image is constructed in real time (just imagine the response time requirement of this system). There is no other existing image processing system that can construct and percieve 3D images at speeds comparable to that of the human vision...

Think about face recognition. A fleeting view of someone sticks on for an eternity but sometimes we forget faces within a fraction of a second (Out of sight is Out of mind.. :D).. However, it doesnt take long for us to recognise a familiar face in a crowd or recall the context in which we saw them. The complexity of memory management, pattern recognition, database search & retrival and contextual inference involved in such action is simply unimaginable...

And so it holds for the Audtion system (perception of sound) too. A piece of membrane, when struck with sound waves collected by the auricle, amplifies these waves to the inner ear and these are in turn converted to nerve impulses by the mechanoreceptors (or hair) in the cochlea. The Digital Signal Processing system (or is it Analog?? :D) in the brain then converts to impulses into meaningful sounds, all in realtime. (Just a thought.. what are those DSP students in our class trying to do?? :D).

On the same lines, I recall what my Distributed Algos prof had once said - "Can we build a system like the human heart, that runs right from the time we are born to the till the day we cease to exist (thats about 60 yrs on an average), working non-stop while consuming minimal amount of resources and not failing even once.. :)..". Think about the robustness and fault tolerance of such a system that seems to work under every ambient condition possible.. :D..

In conclusion of this huge post, I'd say it seems as though we humans have been built based on "some" profound and enigmatic architectural design that remains incomprehendable and irreproducible till date... Does that make us "unchallenged-as-yet" as well??.. I wonder... :)..

Reflections

Look at me,
You may think you see
Who I really am,
But you’ll never know me,
Every day, it’s as if I play a part,
Now I see
If I wear mask,
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my Heart…

Who is that girl I see,
Staring straight back at me,
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside…

I am now in a world
Where I have to hide my Heart,
And what I believe in,
But somehow I will show the world,
What’s inside my Heart,
And be loved for who I am…

Who is that girl I see,
Staring straight back at me,
Why is my reflection someone I don’t know…
Must I pretend that I am
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside…

There’s a Heart,
That must be free to fly,
That burns with the need to know
The reason why…

Why must we all conceal,
What we think,
How we feel,
Must there be a secret ME,
I am forced to hide…

I won’t pretend that I am
Someone else for all time,
When will my reflection show
Who I am Inside…

Song from Walt Disney Cartoon "Mulan" Sung by Coco Lee

Memories..

If you knew him, as I did
Ever since I was kid,
You would miss him too,
Just as I now do..

An independent soul from the start,
Extremely responsible and smart,
Cookin was his art,
Electronic gadget repairs apart..

A magnetic personality,
Sensitive to the core,
Known for his generosity,
With suprises always in store..

A great sense of humour,
That would put everyone to ease,
Be it a lawyer or a farmer,
They would laugh through a sneeze..

A loving son and brother,
Really attached to his mother,
A strong supporting pillar,
Who can never be just-a-filler..

He was gem,
THE best amongst them
All at the Bar Council,
And a void he left, that none can fill..

Courtesy: Thiruthuraipundi, TN

Death

Loss of a person..
his Body,
his Soul,
his Intellect,
his Ideas,
his Creativity,
his Talent,
his Skills,
his Knowledge..
What remains is.. his Memories...

The Ultimate Advice..

People often ask you - "whats the goal in your life??" or "what are the goals of your life??".. They ask a reframed version of the same when you are small - "what do you want to be when you grow up??".. Its pretty much a difficult question to answer.. particularly when you have too many things that you want to do.. As a kid, its a relatively easy answer.. "I wanna be a doctor" or "I wanna be a pilot" or "I wanna be like my dad".. :)

My friend and I had had some interesting discussions long ago when we were in school.. and some of the things that she told me are treasures..

We were talking abt some tests and stuff .. I was as usual "cribbing" about low marks in english, saying - "I dont think suchu (the teacher) would ever let me cross 50 da.. Why the hell dont I ever seem to score more?? You say what I write is not wrong.. then how come its different from what suchu expects"..

I think I must have said a little too much of the same thing and she got bugged.. Finally my friend (my counseller) said .. "Before you say any further, tell me one thing.. how important are these marks to you?? As in very important or so so??"..

I thought a bit and said.. "hmm.. very important I guess.. cmon da.. its going to affect my board results and over all pecentage and stuff.. so it has to be important"..

Her quick comeback was "oh.. so you think these marks (that too in english) hold the ultimate importance for you?? through out life?? Is that the goal of your life??"..

"hmm.. I dont know about goal and stuff.. but after all these percentages are going to be important when I am going to get a job and all.. "

She laughed and said .. "Probably.. But I think you are kinda off track in your things-of-importance.. Tell me one more thing.. what do you want to be at the end of your life??"

"I really dont know.. I havent thought that much about my life.."

"Fine.. Imagine you are on your death bed.. What would be your thoughts at that time??"

I was taken unawares by that question.. "huh?? hmm.. I am thinking.. what could possibly be the last thought.. thats a difficult question to think about NOW da.. there would be soo many things running in your mind.."

"True.. what would be the last one??"

"No idea.."

"How does it sound - You thought about these english marks just before you died?? "

"yuck.. oh plzz.. that would be the last thing on my mind.."

"Yet they are so important to you NOW that you are spending precious moments of your life cribbing.. when they are definitely are not going to be the "last" thing on your mind.. "

I didnt know what to say.. Something rang true.. yet something was not right.. It seemed as though I had gotten all my priorities wrong..

"hmm.. I dont kno what to say"..

"Well, you dont have to say anything.. Just get one thing right.. Think about what would be your last thoughts when you are going to die.. that would definitely help you to focus on whats important and not important in life.."

Long after we parted, I thought a lot about her words.. the more I thought, the more sense they made.. After all, when I am on my death bed, its not important that I was once a wild kid with weird ideas.. Neither is it important that I got scolded in my 5 standard for not attending the prayer.. Nor is it going to flash that I screwed up my history map in the exam.. or that I carried home the English grammer answer paper by mistake and scored the least in the class..

Its not going to make a difference whether I got a new music system or that I didnt get the bike I badly wanted.. Its no use being angry on my mom that she wouldnt let me have a night out at my friend's place.. The fights with my bro or disagreements with friends would be things of the long-forgotten past.. I could probably try and forget the Bad experiences and recall some of the Good ones.. but there would be too many and too little time to decide which one I would want to think about.. I didnt want to think that I couldnt visit the grand canyons or that I didnt get to try a bite of mushroom or the taste of pinacolada..

Ultimately, I figured out that on my death bed, I would want the the last thought to be that "I was happy and satisfied.. that I had lived my life fully and completely.. that I had no regrets.. and knew that I would be missed when I am gone".. It then struck me that I had hit upon the "Ultimate Goal" of my Life - to be satisfied and to have no regrets at the End..

Thanks to my friend's "Ultimate advice", I am striving hard to achieve my goal.. I do and experience Whatever I Want.. Make most of every moment I breath.. Never hold back my Desires.. Forgive and Forget.. And Live Life as if there is no Tommorrow.. :)

Yet another beginning..

Its been a long time since I last put up something in my blogs.. and things have changed quite a bit since then.. Lots of "Lessons Learnt".. as I would call them.. But on the whole it has been a totally new and different "Taste of life".. :D... (pun intended)..
Well, lemme make another beginning.. trying to be a sincere blogger.. and hopin for no more "beginnings".. :)

A Purpose..

We all have some kind of purpose on this earth,
It is not to hurt people or tell them their worth

Everyone was put here with equal chance,
Take a look around you; take a good long glance

Some were meant to heal and some to teach,
Some are used to build, and some to reach

You may not know your purpose just yet,
God will tell you, when he knows you are set

Don’t rush your fate, it has already has been planned,
And God will always be there to lend a helping hand

You will go through times that are really rough,
But you will always have someone when the going gets tough

Don’t fudge other, for when you do,
There is always someone else, fudging you

Think about things before they are said,
Say your prayers before going off to bed

Take time just to sit and observe all things,
A flower and its petals, or a bird and its wings

For when you just look at what is around,
A new aspect of life could be what you have found

Live for today, live one day at a time,
Live for yourself and for God; that is no crime

For when you do all these things to make your life great,
You will find your own way to the pearly white gate...


Courtesy: Chrisitian Medical College, Vellore

Server Of '69

I got my first osl project

Thought that it'd all go fine

coded it till my fingers bled

on the server of '69

Me and my project partner

lost sense but we tried real hard

I almost quit and he got worried

that the code would never get far

Oh when I look back now

That server seemed slow as ever

And if I had the choice

Ya – lsi would never ever be there

That was the worst code of my life

Ain't no use in complainin'

When you got a project to do

Spent my evenin's down at the server room

And that's when we met the PM

Standin' near the damn server

he told us that we'd wait forever

Oh as we looked at the screen

I knew that it would never be over..

That was the worst code of my life
oh yeah...
Back on the server of '69

Man we were killin' processors

We were dull and restless

We needed to unwind

I guess it'll run forever – forever, nooo :(..

And now the times have not changed

though everything's come and gone

the server still seems to compute lsi

I think about it, wonder what’s wrong

Standin' in the server room

as we seemed to wait forever

Oh as we looked at the screen

I knew that it would never be over

That was the worst code of my life

Back on the server of '69

Based on Original Song

"Summer Of '69" written by B. Adams and J. Vallance.