Monday, March 20, 2006

What Oprah Has To Say About MEN !!!

This was the subject of the mail that I recieved the other day.. As I finished reading it, I felt it would be better to blog it.. So here it is..(my comments in italics)
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
(Dont kno abt that...)
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
(Well If i were in his shoes, then probably I would do the same..)
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
(Fortunately or unfortunately my intution never seems to work...)
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be. Slower is better.
(Very true.. )
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
(Its important to discover who you really are.. )
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you, as you deserve, then heck, NO, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.
(True.. what are you getting by either settling or not settling.. Nothing.. so better not settle.. )
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think, "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
(Hmm.. Being too optimistic or turning a blind eye to facts is not wise.. "things will get better".. I am reminded of "no communication synchronization" in my elective course.. )
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
(You can never control anyone and no one is in control of you except yrself..)
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
(True..)
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
(Hmm.. probably for the better..)
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
(Every individual has a personal line that should never be crossed.. irrespective of the relationship..)
If something bothers you, speak up.
(Very true..)
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
(No comments..)
You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.
(You dont change unless you really want to..)
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.
(Think of yrself first.. ????)
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothingless.
(He he.. I am just wondering..)
Never let a man define who you are.
(You are who you are.. )
Never borrow someone else's man.
(Someone might borrow yours.. ?? :D)
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
(True..)
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
(You always have a choice.. just that, it depends on what you choose..)
All men are NOT dogs.
(Debatable..?? :P..)
You should not be the one doing all the bending. Compromise is two-way street.
(True for any relationship..)
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage. Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
(No comments..)
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.
(Very very true.. most of the times you dont realise it until its too late..)
Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
(Very true.. )
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted.
(Hmm.. Taking for granted..(sigh)..)
Never move into his mother's house.Never co-sign for a man.
(No comments at all..)
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.
(You always deserve the best.. nothing less than that..)
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
(True..)
Share this with other women and men (just so they know)...You'll make someone smile, another rethink her/his choices, and another woman prepare, and a man aware.
(Just hope so..:) )

Monday, March 13, 2006

The Ugly Reality..

Two weeks ago on a bright sunday morning, we had been to an orphanage near NIMHANS. We left after a delicious breakfast of dosas, caught the 10.30 volvo and reached the place around 11.00 am. The orphanage was situated a little further inside from the main road. We went walking (and talking all the way) from the bus stop, along a narrow winding road, shaded by the canopy of the surronding trees.
We finally reached an open clearing surrounded by buildings. To our left was the boys home and to the right was the girls and kids home. I was in the group that was to go to the kid's home. In fact most of us gals wanted to go to the kids home.. :)..
Anyways we thought we would first have a look at the kids home, which was a few steps further from the girls home. We went into the building in batches of 5. Inside it looked like a "mittham" (in tamil) with rooms on either sides and the typical smell of small kids reminded me of my creche days.. anyways we were lead to one of the rooms at the back where there were a dozen or so kids, all within 5 years of age.
One of the staff there was holding a 6 month old baby girl. All of us crowded around her and cooed to the baby. When asked what her name was, the staff turned and asked one of kids - "ivulu heseru yeno?".. meaning "what is her name?".. that simple question struck something in me.. something strange and disturbing.. something i didnt like.. (How can she not know the name of the baby that she was holding????)
Thinking back now, I really can't put a finger to what I felt at that time.. It was a mixture of feelings - anger, pity, sadness along with a feeling of helplessness.. It probably was a moment of realisation.. probably late realisation or probably I am yet to realise it at all.. :)..
Well that moment was past.. we were soon moving to have a look at the girls home. The inside of the girls home resembled that of a typical government institution - darkened corridors, cement floors etc. We spoke to the lady incharge and took permission to meet the girls. I went towards the leftside wing. We went into one of the classrooms on our left where there were around 15 or odd girls, sitting on the floor with their books spread around them. They looked at us curiously as we made our way inside and spoke to the class teacher there.
We introduced ourselves to the teacher and enquired about various things - everything from the girls accommodation to their education and how they came to the orphanage in the first place. It seems that the kids there came from various parts of the country. These abandoned kids were picked up from streets or roaming around railway stations and bus stations. Some times they were given up to the orphanage by single parents who couldnt afford to support them. When asked if the parents ever came to meet them, she told us that it was very very rare - almost close to never. The orphanage provided them with food, clothes, shelter and education (most importantly) and supported them till they became self-sustaining.
It was heart wrenching and really saddening to see those kids, their eyes full of hope and expectations that Somebody, one day, would claim them as their own.. after all, they are innocent victims in the cruel game that fate has played on them.. no mistake of theirs at all..
The girls were incredibly shy and had to be coaxed to talk to us. We asked them all their names and what they were studying. Most of them were in 3rd and 4th. Slowly they warmed up and asked us our names too. I saw one of the girls drawing a rangoli design in her book and it reminded me of my school days when I was crazy to learn new designs. Following my intution, I decide to break the ice by volunteering to draw few designs for them. I think that was it.. they immediately crowded around me, found a new sheet, a pencil and looked closely as I began to draw. They asked me how many dots, rows etc etc (rangoli jargon) and listened attentively as I explained how to draw the design.
While I was drawing, all of them fired questions at me simultaneously- where I was from, how come I knew kannada, what I was studying etc etc. I tried answering all the questions the best I could. One of the questions was how come I came to visit them. I seriously didnt know what to say. I managed to mumble that I had a holiday and that I decided to visit them.
I should have anticipated the next question - "when are you coming next??".. godd what could I tell them.. So I told them "when I dont have classes". But they were too sharp. "how about tomorow?? come tomorrow. sunday. so you wont have classes. we will also have a holiday". I just caught myself before I said "but I am going Home".. I really couldnt have answered them if they had started asking me about my home etc etc. "hmm but I have to go back to my college", I said. However they were a tenacious lot and the next come back was - "Thats ok. you go to college tomorrow. come on monday then. If not monday then next weekend". Boy, what could I say to that??? I finally managed to convince them that I would visit them whenever I was free next. They seemed satisfied and happy with that answer.. plainly happy that some one would visit them..
We had a lot of fun there on. I enjoyed chatting with all of them. They flocked around me, holding on to my hands (as though that was the last thread of hope) asking me and telling me things. They even complimented me saying that I looked like Kajol... :D.. (what could I say to THAT??).. In fact the attention that they give you really makes you really feel like a star.. on top of the world..
One phrase that describes them all accurately -"Starved for Love"..
Soon it was lunch time. We carried plates to the kids home for the kids there. In mean time the girls had all formed a neat line and carried their food laden plates to a hall where they sat down to eat. It was really astonishing to see that none of them touched their food till they had finished with their prayers.. (such small things that we seem to have forgotten).
Those children were given the same mess food that we had at our college. The food that some of us crib is not good or is not quality food, was a feast for them. That really got me to think if some of the small issues that we crib on are really that important.. Rightly said in tamil.."andasthuku yetra sugham"..
I had good fun sitting along with them and sharing my lunch with them. I also got a chance to serve them food.. (thanks my mom's training I recalled some of the serving "rules".. "kununj paramaaranam".. :) ). On the whole, I had a realll lot of fun playing with them, laughing with them and just being there for them.
The whole experience taught me new things and changed my perspective of life quite a bit. In fact the day before going to the orphanage, I was telling my mom about my plans. When I mentioned the orphanage she immediately said - "good you are going.. only then you will realise the worth of what you have and how lucky you really are".
I was able understand the true significance of what she said only when I saw the plight of those kids at the orphanage. I heard from one of the staff that the 6 month old baby girl, was brought to the orphanage 5 months back, when she was found under a train seat. I cant imagine how heartless a person has to be, to leave a one-month old baby under the train seat, to fend for it self.
As I was cuddling her, I was wondering what language should I should speak to her in?? tamil? kannada? telgu? malyalam? hindi?? which one? who was she? who are her parents? where was she born? what caste/religion does she belong to? heck.. what is her name??.. no one knows.. After all what was that baby's mistake?? just being born in this world?? wrong time.. wrong place??
A world of realisation followed these thoughts. Have we ever thought how lucky we really are?? We have every thing that we need. What dont we have? food? clothes? shelter? education? oppurtunities? Most important of all, we have parents to love and care for us. The other part of the story of "realisation" (as I would call it) is that - there are many people in this world who are less fortunate than we are. Instead of being an idle bystander, watching the world go by, I think it is high time I step in to help them with whatever I can. Probably some of the basic neccessities or simply give them happiness by letting them know that someone cares. The joy of such sharing and caring is something irreplacable.
On a concluding note, I would say that it is not uncommon for many of us to take most of the things that we have for "granted". Very often, we dont realise soon enough that "nothing" in this world should ever be taken for granted - nothing at all. That includes everything under the sun.. including the sun.. or for that matter, the very existence of life itself on this planet..
Conversely.. It drives home one of the fundamental facts of this ugly reality- We realise the worth of anything we have only we dont have it anymore.. or we see others who dont have it either....