25/12/2012
Its a beautiful sunset I am witnessing for the third day in a row. The fiery ball of orange slowly transforming to a fluroscent pink before merging with the vague outline of a hill. The color is so pale that it is now difficult to distinguish the pink from the grey. Such beauty, before it vanishes completely from sight, leaving behind a grey mist hovering over a fading bell curve of a mountain hill. Oh Nature, thou art a beauty to behold indeed!
26/12/2012
Today, he had a companion. As he came down from the heavens, his identical friend seemed to approach him from the depths of the earth, with a small difference though. It seemed as though the friendly reflection moved at twice the speed to merge with his reality while he faded from sight. Oh, what a beautiful sight it is to see two suns setting - One from the top and one from the bottom. The faint pink coloured crescent is slowly disappearing behind the mountains while the shining white lunar counterpart fades into view on the opposite end of the sky. One moment of lapse and he is gone from sight for today. Oh Nature thou art a beauty to behold...
27/12/2012
Nature never gets tired. The yellow orange ball of fire is back again, The same fierceness, the same beauty, the same cycle over and over again. How many ever times I witness this beauty, I never get tired or bored. Thats the beauty of it. I am always pleasantly surprised by the tenacity of nature. How consistently it never fails to amaze you. The orange is now half consumed by the mountains. It turned into a peach fast disappearing into the depths of the mountainous beast. Its gone, leaving behind a pale pink halo over the beast's head.
28/12/2012
Today is the last day of watching him go down from this place. Tomorrow will be a different place and a different story. I am not sure if I will get to see him or not. Regardless of this, I know that he would be as graceful and majestic as he is today and would look just as beautiful as today when he is going down tomorrow or any other day to come. Today, he was partially eclipsed by tiny clouds. I was afraid I might not get to see him make his graceful descent. But thankfully they were just passing clouds and his glory was once more mine to behold. Ah, the fluorescent pink half crescent, I can never tire of seeing you go down each and every day till the end of my life...
Monday, December 31, 2012
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
To run or not to run...
About six months ago, my life was chaotic (nothing describes it better). I was clueless about what I wanted to do, what I had been doing and what I was going to do. Nothing seemed to make sense. Everything had taken a monotonous turn - the same activities, the same job, the same routine. All I wanted was some clarity in my thoughts, some re-organization of priorities, someone to guide me. I was as purpose-less as a ship without a rudder and as lost as Jack Sparrow without his compass.
It was then that I heard about my friend's feat of having run a 50-miler. At first, I thought it was a joke. Simply crazy. Madness. Humanly impossible. But then, I trusted the source of my information so much that I knew it had to be true. How could one run that distance ? Why would they run ? I could not run 10 meters without gasping for breath. Imagine running 50 miles (it took some time for the calculator-oriented brain to convert that to 80 KM) !
I was in awe. So totally impressed and inspired that I wanted to achieve something as significant as that during my lifetime, just to prove it to myself. For once in my life, I wanted to take up something, do it all by myself and complete it. The soul purpose of doing it would be to make me happy. Nothing else and nothing else mattered.
I knew what had to be done. I had to join a training group, train and run. I knew which training group to join (thanks to M and R). I knew that the program was for three and half months. All I had to do was join the group... and stick to the training. Set a goal. Achieve it. As simple as that.
However, having "taken up" and "given up" kickboxing and fitness classes more number of times than I can recall, I was quite apprehensive of taking up running as the next activity to just give it up. I needed something that would bind me to the running "contract" so firmly that I did not have a choice. I did not want to give myself a choice.
And so when M suggested that I "run for a cause", I jumped at the opportunity. Having heard her experiences of raising funds for non-profit organizations through running, it was the perfect ruse. I approach people, tell them I am running for Shristi, promise to run (cross my heart and swear to die and all), that they could sponsor my run and in turn help out Shristi monetarily. Perfect. This way I was answerable not just to myself, but to the donors as well.
The master plan was all laid out and it was time. Time to make a decision. A decision to commit. A decision to stick-by-it-no-matter-what. A very intimidating decision. A now or never moment. All or nothing.
It was quite difficult not to believe and give into the careless whispers from my left cerebrum, colorfully pointing out that I was a fool to even consider something like this since it was beyond my capabilities. I pretended not to hear the beautifully composed "sahasranamam", for over a month. I was simply running scared.. to commit..
However, there was a tiny voice from within that kept contradicting every whisper. It made me realize that I was biased against running since I was painting it with the same brush as all my previous activities. If I have never done it before, how could I know what it feels like to do it ? And if I don't know what it feels like, how can I be sure I won't like it ? How can I be sure I will give it up ? What if I don't give up and what if this is THE thing and I missed it because of my presumptions and prejudice ?
I recollected reading a few lines from a book almost a decade ago - "You can't outwit fate by trying to stand on the sidelines and place little side bets about the outcome of life. Either you wade in and risk everything to play the game, or you don't play at all. And if you don't play, you can't win."
That's when I decided... To Run..
And now words fail me when I think about what I have just accomplished. My mind is filled with cotton-wool and is refusing to accept the enormity of the act - The simple act of having set a goal and achieved it. For someone who has never seen anything through to its end (for quite sometime now), it is simply impossible to believe that its been done. Period.
PS: Thanks to M (who wouldn't give up on me no matter how many tantrums I threw)
It was then that I heard about my friend's feat of having run a 50-miler. At first, I thought it was a joke. Simply crazy. Madness. Humanly impossible. But then, I trusted the source of my information so much that I knew it had to be true. How could one run that distance ? Why would they run ? I could not run 10 meters without gasping for breath. Imagine running 50 miles (it took some time for the calculator-oriented brain to convert that to 80 KM) !
I was in awe. So totally impressed and inspired that I wanted to achieve something as significant as that during my lifetime, just to prove it to myself. For once in my life, I wanted to take up something, do it all by myself and complete it. The soul purpose of doing it would be to make me happy. Nothing else and nothing else mattered.
I knew what had to be done. I had to join a training group, train and run. I knew which training group to join (thanks to M and R). I knew that the program was for three and half months. All I had to do was join the group... and stick to the training. Set a goal. Achieve it. As simple as that.
However, having "taken up" and "given up" kickboxing and fitness classes more number of times than I can recall, I was quite apprehensive of taking up running as the next activity to just give it up. I needed something that would bind me to the running "contract" so firmly that I did not have a choice. I did not want to give myself a choice.
And so when M suggested that I "run for a cause", I jumped at the opportunity. Having heard her experiences of raising funds for non-profit organizations through running, it was the perfect ruse. I approach people, tell them I am running for Shristi, promise to run (cross my heart and swear to die and all), that they could sponsor my run and in turn help out Shristi monetarily. Perfect. This way I was answerable not just to myself, but to the donors as well.
The master plan was all laid out and it was time. Time to make a decision. A decision to commit. A decision to stick-by-it-no-matter-what. A very intimidating decision. A now or never moment. All or nothing.
It was quite difficult not to believe and give into the careless whispers from my left cerebrum, colorfully pointing out that I was a fool to even consider something like this since it was beyond my capabilities. I pretended not to hear the beautifully composed "sahasranamam", for over a month. I was simply running scared.. to commit..
However, there was a tiny voice from within that kept contradicting every whisper. It made me realize that I was biased against running since I was painting it with the same brush as all my previous activities. If I have never done it before, how could I know what it feels like to do it ? And if I don't know what it feels like, how can I be sure I won't like it ? How can I be sure I will give it up ? What if I don't give up and what if this is THE thing and I missed it because of my presumptions and prejudice ?
I recollected reading a few lines from a book almost a decade ago - "You can't outwit fate by trying to stand on the sidelines and place little side bets about the outcome of life. Either you wade in and risk everything to play the game, or you don't play at all. And if you don't play, you can't win."
That's when I decided... To Run..
And now words fail me when I think about what I have just accomplished. My mind is filled with cotton-wool and is refusing to accept the enormity of the act - The simple act of having set a goal and achieved it. For someone who has never seen anything through to its end (for quite sometime now), it is simply impossible to believe that its been done. Period.
PS: Thanks to M (who wouldn't give up on me no matter how many tantrums I threw)
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Rain Man
(Written sometime during June 2007)
Its close to 1.48 am in the morning as I am putting this into words. I just finished watching the movie "Rain Man" directed by Barry Levinson, starring Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman. Man, does Cruise look HOT !!! Well he is not the reason that I am writing this. Its his role in the movie as an "exotic car dealer" who discovers (and kidnaps) his institutionalized autistic brother (Raymond) after the death of their father, their journey across the country and the connection they made during that trip.
It is a "MUST WATCH" :D. Well, Everything about the movie is simply superb - the direction, the acting, the script - EVERYTHING. Tom Cruise has played his part well. But to say Dustin Hoffman is awesome is an understatement. He is rocking!! (O.K. Too many adjectives !! Its understandable given that I sleepily stumbled upon a profound self-realization !!) It's such an amazing and authentic performance that during the course of the movie at one point, I was irritated enough to consider chucking the movie and forget about watching the rest of it - "To hell with the rest of it".
The best part of the movie, according to me, is when Charlie realizes why Raymond was sent away to the institution.
I don't know why that movie affected me so much but it did. I wonder why its seems to have struck some sensitive nerve in me. Something that tells me that I seem to have got my priorities wrong. Something - call it probably the warning of a guardian angel or my intiutions.
I am still trying to answer the question that my friend asked me 2 days ago. "Whats the most important thing in your life??" I am still finding the answer to it. Nothing that I list down seems all that important once its been listed. Whats that "important thing" that is really important to me??? Hope I find the answer really soon...
Its close to 1.48 am in the morning as I am putting this into words. I just finished watching the movie "Rain Man" directed by Barry Levinson, starring Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman. Man, does Cruise look HOT !!! Well he is not the reason that I am writing this. Its his role in the movie as an "exotic car dealer" who discovers (and kidnaps) his institutionalized autistic brother (Raymond) after the death of their father, their journey across the country and the connection they made during that trip.
It is a "MUST WATCH" :D. Well, Everything about the movie is simply superb - the direction, the acting, the script - EVERYTHING. Tom Cruise has played his part well. But to say Dustin Hoffman is awesome is an understatement. He is rocking!! (O.K. Too many adjectives !! Its understandable given that I sleepily stumbled upon a profound self-realization !!) It's such an amazing and authentic performance that during the course of the movie at one point, I was irritated enough to consider chucking the movie and forget about watching the rest of it - "To hell with the rest of it".
The best part of the movie, according to me, is when Charlie realizes why Raymond was sent away to the institution.
I don't know why that movie affected me so much but it did. I wonder why its seems to have struck some sensitive nerve in me. Something that tells me that I seem to have got my priorities wrong. Something - call it probably the warning of a guardian angel or my intiutions.
I am still trying to answer the question that my friend asked me 2 days ago. "Whats the most important thing in your life??" I am still finding the answer to it. Nothing that I list down seems all that important once its been listed. Whats that "important thing" that is really important to me??? Hope I find the answer really soon...
At·trac·tion /əˈtrakSHən/
at·trac·tion/əˈtrakSHən/
| Noun: |
|
Why am I writing this now ? After all these years, the first post I pen down is to be Attraction ? You might think I am crazily in love with someone to pick this for a topic, which as far from the truth as it gets. I have had my fair share of experiments with love and I am good with not experimenting any more.
Well, to cut a very long story short, my friend MM seems to think that I am good at writing (Thank you, MM, thank you.. hope you feel that way at the end of this post) and feels that I should restart my electronic-outbursts (like I call them) :D. . So I thought I should "write" while the iron is still hot.
That explains why I want to write but not why I want write about what I am writing. Such convoluted naan-sense is possible only when your finely honed cognitive skills have been dimmed by the after-effects of alcohol. And you guessed it right. A cup of wine did the trick (actually drinking it rapidly instead of savoring it did the actual trick).
Well, the first topic that came to my cotton-wool-filled mind was something that I have been trying to resolve for quite sometime now. Attraction.
To be precise, attraction to someone I am not supposed to be attracted to (as per society's rules). Try as I might, I am not able to come to terms with this and that's what been a thorn in my side for the past 5 years (now that I think about it).
At first, I thought it was yet-another-crush of mine, the one where I am all ga-ga (not Lady gaga ga-ga but sufficiently ga-ga !) about the person in question for a full week before the steam goes out and I find him as ordinary as yet-another-human-being-on-this-planet.
However, the long-term attraction I have been experiencing has only intensified over this period of time and my attempts at analyzing my feelings seem futile as they do not seem to make it any easier to understand the rational behind this.
The only thing that I can state is that it seems to be a combination of awe, respect and something else that I am not able to find a word for. Love ? No, that does not seem to be it. Affection ? Probably yes.
Every time I see him or think of him, the feelings stir. I try to recall all the well-reasoned excuses in order to justify my feelings however everything falls flat when I just admit that
I am plainly attracted to him and I wish to God, we could be together. However, everything happens for a reason. Admitting that I am attracted to him saves me the trouble of having to deny it. Admit it. Accept it. That is the only way to get over it.
The more I try to resist, the stronger the feelings get. Its all very simple. Your brain is wired to give into temptations. The more you resist temptations, the more your brain tries to hold on to the temptations and nag you into giving into them. The antidote for this medicine is simply give yourself the choice to give into temptation. Just do it and think about dealing with the consequences later.
The Universe has weird ways of handing things to you; things that make you feel like you are inept, moronic and completely incapable of handling the situation. However, the one thing that helps me get through this state is a statement that M made few months ago. She said, "Jyo, the Universe has brought you into this world and the Universe knows how to take care of you. Trust that. Believe that. Have Faith in that".
Sometimes you just have to let things be. The more you think about things, the more muddled they seem. Thus, when I think too hard, my brain heats up. (Did you know that thinking is an exothermic reaction ? Well, thanks to M, I learnt that interesting fact last month.) Anyways, having heated by brain enough to cook an omelette over my head, the following is my observation. Attraction can be at multiple levels - Intellectual, Physical, Emotional or Psychological. However, I take the liberty to add yet another kind of attraction to this list - "Unconditional". When attraction has "Unconditional-ism" for a basis, that is the beginning of Love.
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