About six months ago, my life was chaotic (nothing describes it better). I was clueless about what I wanted to do, what I had been doing and what I was going to do. Nothing seemed to make sense. Everything had taken a monotonous turn - the same activities, the same job, the same routine. All I wanted was some clarity in my thoughts, some re-organization of priorities, someone to guide me. I was as purpose-less as a ship without a rudder and as lost as Jack Sparrow without his compass.
It was then that I heard about my friend's feat of having run a 50-miler. At first, I thought it was a joke. Simply crazy. Madness. Humanly impossible. But then, I trusted the source of my information so much that I knew it had to be true. How could one run that distance ? Why would they run ? I could not run 10 meters without gasping for breath. Imagine running 50 miles (it took some time for the calculator-oriented brain to convert that to 80 KM) !
I was in awe. So totally impressed and inspired that I wanted to achieve something as significant as that during my lifetime, just to prove it to myself. For once in my life, I wanted to take up something, do it all by myself and complete it. The soul purpose of doing it would be to make me happy. Nothing else and nothing else mattered.
I knew what had to be done. I had to join a training group, train and run. I knew which training group to join (thanks to M and R). I knew that the program was for three and half months. All I had to do was join the group... and stick to the training. Set a goal. Achieve it. As simple as that.
However, having "taken up" and "given up" kickboxing and fitness classes more number of times than I can recall, I was quite apprehensive of taking up running as the next activity to just give it up. I needed something that would bind me to the running "contract" so firmly that I did not have a choice. I did not want to give myself a choice.
And so when M suggested that I "run for a cause", I jumped at the opportunity. Having heard her experiences of raising funds for non-profit organizations through running, it was the perfect ruse. I approach people, tell them I am running for Shristi, promise to run (cross my heart and swear to die and all), that they could sponsor my run and in turn help out Shristi monetarily. Perfect. This way I was answerable not just to myself, but to the donors as well.
The master plan was all laid out and it was time. Time to make a decision. A decision to commit. A decision to stick-by-it-no-matter-what. A very intimidating decision. A now or never moment. All or nothing.
It was quite difficult not to believe and give into the careless whispers from my left cerebrum, colorfully pointing out that I was a fool to even consider something like this since it was beyond my capabilities. I pretended not to hear the beautifully composed "sahasranamam", for over a month. I was simply running scared.. to commit..
However, there was a tiny voice from within that kept contradicting every whisper. It made me realize that I was biased against running since I was painting it with the same brush as all my previous activities. If I have never done it before, how could I know what it feels like to do it ? And if I don't know what it feels like, how can I be sure I won't like it ? How can I be sure I will give it up ? What if I don't give up and what if this is THE thing and I missed it because of my presumptions and prejudice ?
I recollected reading a few lines from a book almost a decade ago - "You can't outwit fate by trying to stand on the sidelines and place little side bets about the outcome of life. Either you wade in and risk everything to play the game, or you don't play at all. And if you don't play, you can't win."
That's when I decided... To Run..
And now words fail me when I think about what I have just accomplished. My mind is filled with cotton-wool and is refusing to accept the enormity of the act - The simple act of having set a goal and achieved it. For someone who has never seen anything through to its end (for quite sometime now), it is simply impossible to believe that its been done. Period.
PS: Thanks to M (who wouldn't give up on me no matter how many tantrums I threw)
It was then that I heard about my friend's feat of having run a 50-miler. At first, I thought it was a joke. Simply crazy. Madness. Humanly impossible. But then, I trusted the source of my information so much that I knew it had to be true. How could one run that distance ? Why would they run ? I could not run 10 meters without gasping for breath. Imagine running 50 miles (it took some time for the calculator-oriented brain to convert that to 80 KM) !
I was in awe. So totally impressed and inspired that I wanted to achieve something as significant as that during my lifetime, just to prove it to myself. For once in my life, I wanted to take up something, do it all by myself and complete it. The soul purpose of doing it would be to make me happy. Nothing else and nothing else mattered.
I knew what had to be done. I had to join a training group, train and run. I knew which training group to join (thanks to M and R). I knew that the program was for three and half months. All I had to do was join the group... and stick to the training. Set a goal. Achieve it. As simple as that.
However, having "taken up" and "given up" kickboxing and fitness classes more number of times than I can recall, I was quite apprehensive of taking up running as the next activity to just give it up. I needed something that would bind me to the running "contract" so firmly that I did not have a choice. I did not want to give myself a choice.
And so when M suggested that I "run for a cause", I jumped at the opportunity. Having heard her experiences of raising funds for non-profit organizations through running, it was the perfect ruse. I approach people, tell them I am running for Shristi, promise to run (cross my heart and swear to die and all), that they could sponsor my run and in turn help out Shristi monetarily. Perfect. This way I was answerable not just to myself, but to the donors as well.
The master plan was all laid out and it was time. Time to make a decision. A decision to commit. A decision to stick-by-it-no-matter-what. A very intimidating decision. A now or never moment. All or nothing.
It was quite difficult not to believe and give into the careless whispers from my left cerebrum, colorfully pointing out that I was a fool to even consider something like this since it was beyond my capabilities. I pretended not to hear the beautifully composed "sahasranamam", for over a month. I was simply running scared.. to commit..
However, there was a tiny voice from within that kept contradicting every whisper. It made me realize that I was biased against running since I was painting it with the same brush as all my previous activities. If I have never done it before, how could I know what it feels like to do it ? And if I don't know what it feels like, how can I be sure I won't like it ? How can I be sure I will give it up ? What if I don't give up and what if this is THE thing and I missed it because of my presumptions and prejudice ?
I recollected reading a few lines from a book almost a decade ago - "You can't outwit fate by trying to stand on the sidelines and place little side bets about the outcome of life. Either you wade in and risk everything to play the game, or you don't play at all. And if you don't play, you can't win."
That's when I decided... To Run..
And now words fail me when I think about what I have just accomplished. My mind is filled with cotton-wool and is refusing to accept the enormity of the act - The simple act of having set a goal and achieved it. For someone who has never seen anything through to its end (for quite sometime now), it is simply impossible to believe that its been done. Period.
PS: Thanks to M (who wouldn't give up on me no matter how many tantrums I threw)
No comments:
Post a Comment