Saturday, February 22, 2014

2014 is here !

Breaking my leap year trend to blogging... This is my first post in 2014... Wish you all a very happy new year...

I am literally jobless now.. On a break from the IT industry and if possible, looking for an early voluntary retirement from IT... which would mean I never step into the shoes of a software engineer ever again...

Life is beautiful, once you drop out of the rat race... Having given this a try, I am glad I didn't miss the opportunity when it came knocking... and all I can do / am doing is I trust the universe to lay out a plan for me... Only time will tell... 

Monday, December 31, 2012

Nature, Thou Art a Beauty to Behold...


Its a beautiful sunset I am witnessing for the third day in a row. The fiery ball of orange slowly transforming to a fluroscent pink before merging with the vague outline of a hill. The color is so pale that it is now difficult to distinguish the pink from the grey. Such beauty, before it vanishes completely from sight, leaving behind a grey mist hovering over a fading bell curve of a mountain hill. Oh Nature, thou art a beauty to behold indeed!


Today, he had a companion. As he came down from the heavens, his identical friend seemed to approach him from the depths of the earth, with a small difference though. It seemed as though the friendly reflection moved at twice the speed to merge with his reality while he faded from sight. Oh, what a beautiful sight it is to see two suns setting - One from the top and one from the bottom. The faint pink coloured crescent is slowly disappearing behind the mountains while the shining white lunar counterpart fades into view on the opposite end of the sky. One moment of lapse and he is gone from sight for today. Oh Nature thou art a beauty to behold...


Nature never gets tired. The yellow orange ball of fire is back again, The same fierceness, the same beauty, the same cycle over and over again. How many ever times I witness this beauty, I never get tired or bored. Thats the beauty of it. I am always pleasantly surprised by the tenacity of nature. How consistently it never fails to amaze you. The orange is now half consumed by the mountains. It turned into a peach fast disappearing into the depths of the mountainous beast. Its gone, leaving behind a pale pink halo over the beast's head.


Today is the last day of watching him go down from this place. Tomorrow will be a different place and a different story. I am not sure if I will get to see him or not. Regardless of  this, I know that he would be as graceful and majestic as he is today and would look just as beautiful as today when he is going down tomorrow or any other day to come. Today, he was partially eclipsed by tiny clouds. I was afraid I might not get to see him make his graceful descent. But thankfully they were just passing clouds and his glory was once more mine to behold. Ah, the fluorescent pink half crescent, I can never tire of seeing you go down each and every day till the end of my life...

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

To run or not to run...

About six months ago, my life was chaotic (nothing describes it better). I was clueless about what I wanted to do, what I had been doing and what I was going to do. Nothing seemed to make sense. Everything had taken a monotonous turn - the same activities, the same job, the same routine. All I wanted was some clarity in my thoughts, some re-organization of priorities, someone to guide me. I was as purpose-less as a ship without a rudder and as lost as Jack Sparrow without his compass.

It was then that I heard about my friend's feat of having run a 50-miler. At first, I thought it was a joke. Simply crazy. Madness. Humanly impossible. But then, I trusted the source of my information so much that I knew it had to be true. How could one run that distance ? Why would they run ? I could not run 10 meters without gasping for breath. Imagine running 50 miles (it took some time for the calculator-oriented brain to convert that to 80 KM) !

I was in awe. So totally impressed and inspired that I wanted to achieve something as significant as that during my lifetime, just to prove it to myself. For once in my life, I wanted to take up something, do it all by myself and complete it. The soul purpose of doing it would be to make me happy. Nothing else and nothing else mattered.

I knew what had to be done. I had to join a training group, train and run. I knew which training group to join (thanks to M and R). I knew that the program was for three and half months. All I had to do was join the group... and stick to the training. Set a goal. Achieve it. As simple as that.

However, having "taken up" and "given up" kickboxing and fitness classes more number of times than I can recall, I was quite apprehensive of taking up running as the next activity to just give it up. I needed something that would bind me to the running "contract" so firmly that I did not have a choice. I did not want to give myself a choice.

And so when M suggested that I "run for a cause", I jumped at the opportunity. Having heard her experiences of raising funds for non-profit organizations through running, it was the perfect ruse. I approach people, tell them I am running for Shristi, promise to run (cross my heart and swear to die and all), that they could sponsor my run and in turn help out Shristi monetarily. Perfect. This way I was answerable not just to myself, but to the donors as well.

The master plan was all laid out and it was time. Time to make a decision. A decision to commit. A decision to stick-by-it-no-matter-what. A very intimidating decision. A now or never moment. All or nothing.

It was quite difficult not to believe and give into the careless whispers from my left cerebrum, colorfully pointing out that I was a fool to even consider something like this since it was beyond my capabilities. I pretended not to hear the beautifully composed "sahasranamam", for over a month. I was simply running scared.. to commit..

However, there was a tiny voice from within that kept contradicting every whisper. It made me realize that I was biased against running since I was painting  it with the same brush as all my previous activities. If I have never done it before, how could I know what it feels like to do it ? And if I don't know what it feels like, how can I be sure I won't like it ? How can I be sure I will give it up ? What if I don't give up and what if this is THE thing and I missed it because of my presumptions and prejudice ?

I recollected reading a few lines from a book almost a decade ago - "You can't outwit fate by trying to stand on the sidelines and  place little side bets about the outcome of life. Either you wade in and risk everything to play the game, or you don't play at all. And if you don't play, you can't win."

That's when I decided... To Run..

And now words fail me when I think about what I have just accomplished. My mind is filled with cotton-wool and is refusing to accept the enormity of the act - The simple act of having set a goal and achieved it. For someone who has never seen anything through to its end (for quite sometime now), it is simply impossible to believe that its been done. Period. 

PS: Thanks to M (who wouldn't give up on me no matter how many tantrums I threw)

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Rain Man

(Written sometime during June 2007)

Its close to 1.48 am in the morning as I am putting this into words. I just finished watching the movie "Rain Man" directed by Barry Levinson, starring Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman. Man, does Cruise look HOT !!! Well he is not the reason that I am writing this. Its his role in the movie as an "exotic car dealer" who discovers (and kidnaps) his institutionalized autistic brother (Raymond) after the death of their father, their journey across the country and the connection they made during that trip.

It is a "MUST WATCH" :D. Well, Everything about the movie is simply superb - the direction, the acting, the script - EVERYTHING. Tom Cruise has played his part well. But to say Dustin Hoffman is awesome is an understatement. He is rocking!! (O.K. Too many adjectives !! Its understandable given that I sleepily stumbled upon a profound self-realization !!) It's such an amazing and authentic performance that during the course of the movie at one point, I was irritated enough to consider chucking the movie and forget about watching the rest of it - "To hell with the rest of it".

The best part of the movie, according to me, is when Charlie realizes why Raymond was sent away to the institution.

I don't know why that movie affected me so much but it did. I wonder why its seems to have struck some sensitive nerve in me. Something that tells me that I seem to have got my priorities wrong. Something - call it probably the warning of a guardian angel or my intiutions.

I am still trying to answer the question that my friend asked me 2 days ago. "Whats the most important thing in your life??" I am still finding the answer to it. Nothing that I list down seems all that important once its been listed. Whats that "important thing" that is really important to me??? Hope I find the answer really soon...

At·trac·tion /əˈtrakSHən/

  1. The action or power of evoking interest, pleasure, or liking for someone or something: "the timeless attraction of a good tune".
  2. A quality or feature of something or someone that evokes interest, liking, or desire.
The above definition fails to capture the intensity factor. It fails to point out that Attraction can drive you mad at times, especially when it is reeks of irrationality. You might feel you understand pi better than your feelings. 

Why am I writing this now ? After all these years, the first post I pen down is to be Attraction ? You might think I am crazily in love with someone to pick this for a topic, which as far from the truth as it gets. I have had my fair share of experiments with love and I am good with not experimenting any more. 

Well, to cut a very long story short, my friend MM seems to think that I am good at writing (Thank you, MM, thank you.. hope you feel that way at the end of this post) and feels that I should restart my electronic-outbursts (like I call them) :D. . So I thought I should "write" while the iron is still hot. 

That explains why I want to write but not why I want write about what I am writing. Such convoluted naan-sense is possible only when your finely honed cognitive skills have been dimmed by the after-effects of alcohol. And you guessed it right. A cup of wine did the trick (actually drinking it rapidly instead of savoring it did the actual trick).

Well, the first topic that came to my cotton-wool-filled mind was something that I have been trying to resolve for quite sometime now. Attraction.

To be precise, attraction to someone I am not supposed to be attracted to (as per society's rules). Try as I might, I am not able to come to terms with this and that's what been a thorn in my side for the past 5 years (now that I think about it).

At first, I thought it was yet-another-crush of mine, the one where I am all ga-ga (not Lady gaga ga-ga but sufficiently ga-ga !) about the person in question for a full week before the steam goes out and I find him as ordinary as yet-another-human-being-on-this-planet.

However, the long-term attraction I have been experiencing has only intensified over this period of time and my attempts at analyzing my feelings seem futile as they do not seem to make it any easier to understand the rational behind this. 

The only thing that I can state is that it seems to be a combination of awe, respect and something else that I am not able to find a word for. Love ? No, that does not seem to be it. Affection ? Probably yes. 

Every time I see him or think of him, the feelings stir. I try to recall all the well-reasoned excuses in order to justify my feelings however everything falls flat when I just admit that 
I am plainly attracted to him and I wish to God, we could be together. However, everything happens for a reason. Admitting that I am attracted to him saves me the trouble of having to deny it. Admit it. Accept it. That is the only way to get over it. 
The more I try to resist, the stronger the feelings get. Its all very simple. Your brain is wired to give into temptations. The more you resist temptations, the more your brain tries to hold on to the temptations and nag you into giving into them. The antidote for this medicine is simply give yourself the choice to give into temptation. Just do it and think about dealing with the consequences later.

The Universe has weird ways of handing things to you; things that make you feel like you are inept, moronic and completely incapable of handling the situation. However, the one thing that helps me get through this state is a statement that M made few months ago. She said, "Jyo, the Universe has brought you into this world and the Universe knows how to take care of you. Trust that. Believe that. Have Faith in that".

Sometimes you just have to let things be. The more you think about things, the more muddled they seem. Thus, when I think too hard, my brain heats up. (Did you know that thinking is an exothermic reaction ? Well, thanks to M, I learnt that interesting fact last month.) Anyways, having heated by brain enough to cook an omelette over my head, the following is my observation. Attraction can be at multiple levels - Intellectual, Physical, Emotional or Psychological. However, I take the liberty to add yet another kind of attraction to this list - "Unconditional". When attraction has "Unconditional-ism" for a basis, that is the beginning of Love.

Friday, June 13, 2008


Spellings and Wordings are very important. Its importance strikes us only when a typo / wrong-word-in-the-wrong-place changes the meaning of the entire sentence. It is even more embarrassing when such statements are addressed to the wrong addressee! Here are some real life examples to prove this point :

1. Instead of saying "That is insulting", she said "That is insluting" !!

2. In an official mail to the clients regarding hotel accomadations, "Shilton Royale" was one of them. I dont think the clients ever preferred the place as the sender missed out on the "l" in "Shilton"!!

3. She wanted to say "Arey! Ek Dum ..." instead she said "Arey! Ek Bum.. " !!

4. Never type in a hurry! Thats when you type extra letters in the wrong places - like an extra "t" in "busy" after the "s" while saying "I am busy" !!

5. In her confusion regarding the place she had to shift to, she said "I dont know whether to shit here or there" !!

6. Intended to say "'cute' has transcended its horizons when you use it" instead said "'cute' has transcended its horizons when you use me" !!

7. A lady chatting with her male friend wanted to ask him if he was a good cook. She landed herself in an embarrassing situation by typing a "c" instead of the second "o"!!

8. Entry in a diet diary - "500 gms snacks, 200 ml cock" !! :))

QED :)

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Pannamaa Paasamaa ? (Money or Love)

That was the topic of the debate at Salaman Paapaya's Pattimandram on this lazy Sunday morning. I happened to "bump" into this program while idly browsing channels on the idiot box.

Its a very interesting debate topic indeed. Though I have never got into a heated discussion with any of my friends on this one, I have discussed something on similar lines with a friend of mine.

Elaborating on the topic in his thooya (pure) madurai tamizh, Paapaya said, "There are times in life when we face crushing defeats, when we feel extreme sadness or depressing moments filled with a sense of acute loss. What is it that gets you back on your feet and urges you to go on with life - Panamaa (money) ? illai Paasama (Love and affection) ?"

There were 3 people to speak for "Paname thaan (Money is ALL)" and 3 for "Paasam illada Panam proyojanam illai (Money without love or affection is no money)". The arguments spoken on either sides seemed true from their respective perspectives (as it is with any debate).

The "Money is ALL" groups argued that in this modern world money is THE thing that moves people. Everything comes with a price tag including paasam. The treatment and care at every hospital is directly proportional to your bank balance. Every girl dreams is to hook a MNC maapilai earning 3 - 12 lakhs P. A. (I beg to differ here). Any daughter-in-law is proud of her rich and high class mother-in-law and diligently serves her father-in-law if and only if he gets his pension on time. More money credited into you bank account, more paasam credited to your account too. The banks safeguard your "panam" however there are no banks for "paasam".

The opponents argued otherwise, firmly stating that its "paasam" that heals a broken man's wounds, brings him back to his feet and urges him to go on with life. Money can buy materialistic possessions. It cannot buy love or affection. As an example, lets assume you are stranded in the middle of no where with loads of money and an old lady of your mother's age. Your hunger cannot be satisfied with currency notes, neither can you eat them nor can you buy the food from the old lady. But what satisfies your hunger is the food that the old lady shares with you, like she would share with her son/daughter. An old sick man is not motivated to get up from his bed if you show him is bank balance statement but what cures him is the loving touch of his grandchild.

Money is always debited from one account and credited into another. However as wise men have said love is never debited; its always credited to both accounts. The best part of the debate was when Bharati (opponent) turned plates on Raja's (who enacted Rajni's father-in-law in Shivaji) argument by quoting his own words that "Madurai kaaranga paasakaaranga" (All Madurai people are full of love). She said "Is it justified that what holds outside the pattimandram changes to currency on this stage?".

To conclude, Paapaya gave the "final verdict" with a simple example. He said - Consider a man who is left broken in spirit, having lost all his money. As he feels the burden of defeat weighing down upon him, he fears that he has no courage to go on. In this situation, its not money that would make him pick up the pieces of life and move on. But what really encourages him are the words of his better half, lovingly consoling him that he was more important to her than the money he lost and that she would choose to have him over the money any day. Her words of wisdom and motivation are what he needs makes a fresh start in his life. Like money, love also has a bank - each one of us own a bank of love in our hearts. But, unlike money banks, there are no debits !! Only Credits :) !!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008


A jewel in the sky,
That catches your eye,

A red ball of fire,
Seeing it, you never tire...

You get thinking
As you see it sinking,
You could say,
Its the end of today..

A pleasant relaxing sight,
With the vanishing light,
Having worked from dawn to dusk,
Smell the air full of musk...

Yet another day is gone,
And you are alone,
Realization being stark,
That you remain in dark...